I used to believe in love. Well, I take that back. I still believe in love but not the fairytale love I used to believe in. I wanted passion and obsession and someone I couldn't breathe with out. And while I think a part of me will always long for some of that, I've learned lately that dependability, stability, loyalty and class are much harder to come by. Lust is often mistaken for passion and obsession and I don't want someone so much that I actually need them. I don't NEED anyone - I want to be with him because I want to.
I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and getting right back to where I started - coming full circle if you will. But where I started so many years ago was a scared little girl who was so naive and hungry for passion that I didn't know any better, nor did I care. I dove in face first and didn't even bother to test the waters. I feel like my eyes have been opened along the way. I feel like I needed to go out there and grow up and live life, have my heart completely broken, and maybe even become a little jaded, to truly appreciate love. The kind of love that becomes your rock. The unconditionality that is a marriage and a father and a provider and a best friend.
The kind you tell all your secrets to and are loved anyway.
Life isn't fair and it's not always how bad you want something that will make it so. I'm smarter and I'm older now and I'm realizing that it's the real things in life that matter. It's not a brand or your hairstyle or who you vote for or where you graduated from. It's your friends, your true friends who you lean on in your time of need and who will even scrape you up off the bathroom floor when necessary. The ones that drive 2 hours in the middle of the night to bring you a pizza and sappy movies because you really needed it but didn't know how to ask. It's a love that you know will have it's ups and downs, but no matter what will always be there. It's knowing that even though you may fight, you may have days when you don't like them at all, you know there's no one else on this planet you'd rather fight with. And no one else on this planet you'd rather wake up next to everyday for the rest of your life.
Maybe it's not that I don't believe in fairy tales anymore but perhaps I've just re-defined them with the wisdom and experiences I've gained.
I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and getting right back to where I started - coming full circle if you will. But where I started so many years ago was a scared little girl who was so naive and hungry for passion that I didn't know any better, nor did I care. I dove in face first and didn't even bother to test the waters. I feel like my eyes have been opened along the way. I feel like I needed to go out there and grow up and live life, have my heart completely broken, and maybe even become a little jaded, to truly appreciate love. The kind of love that becomes your rock. The unconditionality that is a marriage and a father and a provider and a best friend.
The kind you tell all your secrets to and are loved anyway.
Life isn't fair and it's not always how bad you want something that will make it so. I'm smarter and I'm older now and I'm realizing that it's the real things in life that matter. It's not a brand or your hairstyle or who you vote for or where you graduated from. It's your friends, your true friends who you lean on in your time of need and who will even scrape you up off the bathroom floor when necessary. The ones that drive 2 hours in the middle of the night to bring you a pizza and sappy movies because you really needed it but didn't know how to ask. It's a love that you know will have it's ups and downs, but no matter what will always be there. It's knowing that even though you may fight, you may have days when you don't like them at all, you know there's no one else on this planet you'd rather fight with. And no one else on this planet you'd rather wake up next to everyday for the rest of your life.
Maybe it's not that I don't believe in fairy tales anymore but perhaps I've just re-defined them with the wisdom and experiences I've gained.
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