50 things you never knew you wanted to know about me...

1. I abhor walking anywhere barefoot.
2. I read magazines back to front – always have…
3. I'll put A1 Steak Sauce on almost anything edible.
4. I wear my NYU sweatshirt and secretly pretend people are assuming I'm much smarter than they are.
5. Motorcycle rides and red wine are my 2 vices.
6. I'm a HUGE Blink 182 fan.
7. Documentaries about serial killers fascinate me.
8. I know every word to the movies "Clay Pigeons" and "Closer."
9. I'm a sucker for surprises.
10. Watching black and white movies makes me feel "artsy."
11. My favorite sound is a child's laugh.
12. I rarely check my voicemail on my cell phone.
13. I would rather spend time with good friends and guitars than anything else.
14. I love the combination of beer and pizza.
15. I'm constantly searching for new quotes about love and life.
16. Kellie is my rock.
17. I can type as fast as you can talk.
18. I LOVE to country dance.
19. I write love letters I'll never send.
20. I have better friends than a person deserves.
21. I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket.
22. I love to sing at the top of my lungs to every song on the radio.
23. I think chocolate is a food meant for the Gods.
24. My handwriting looks like I'm still in Jr. High.
25. I cry at the Hallmark Christmas commercials.
26. I could watch America's Funniest Video's for hours on end.
27. I'm obsessed with winter coats.
28. I wear reading glasses, but I'm not really sure I need them.
29. I love plants but I have the hardest time keeping them alive for more than a month.
30. My biggest pet peeve is a toothpaste tube that was squeezed from the middle.
31. When I'm at someone else's house, I'll change their tp roll so it's "over" instead of "under."
32. I will text you before I'll call you any day.
33. I get annoyed when I don't get a return text.
34. I have a season of "Mad about You" on DVD and still watch it regularly.
35. I sleep with at least 4 pillows regularly.
36. I'll listen to a song on a cd over and over until I learn all the words.
37. I feel I truly appreciate the "little things."
38. I will do almost anything to avoid confrontation.
39. I wear my class ring everyday.
40. I'm ALWAYS chewing gum.
41. My brother is my best friend.
42. I can't pick one favorite color.
43. My lucky number is 11.
44. I hate my "Even Stevens."
45. I thoroughly enjoy manual labor "projects."
46. I obsessively wear sun block on my face every day, even if it's raining.
47. I love celebrity gossip but I pretend like it's trashy in the grocery store line.
48. I love days when I can ride in the car with the windows down and my hand in the wind and the radio up so loud you can't even hear your thoughts.
49. I drive an automatic.
50. I generally need to have the last word.

Fairy tales

I used to believe in love.  Well, I take that back.  I still believe in love but not the fairytale love I used to believe in.  I wanted passion and obsession and someone I couldn't breathe with out.  And while I think a part of me will always long for some of that, I've learned lately that dependability, stability, loyalty and class are much harder to come by.  Lust is often mistaken for passion and obsession and I don't want someone so much that I actually need them.  I don't NEED anyone - I want to be with him because I want to. 

I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and getting right back to where I started - coming full circle if you will.  But where I started so many years ago was a scared little girl who was so naive and hungry for passion that I didn't know any better, nor did I care.  I dove in face first and didn't even bother to test the waters.  I feel like my eyes have been opened along the way.  I feel like I needed to go out there and grow up and live life, have my heart completely broken, and maybe even become a little jaded, to truly appreciate love.  The kind of love that becomes your rock.  The unconditionality that is a marriage and a father and a provider and a best friend. 

The kind you tell all your secrets to and are loved anyway. 

Life isn't fair and it's not always how bad you want something that will make it so.  I'm smarter and I'm older now and I'm realizing that it's the real things in life that matter.  It's not a brand or your hairstyle or who you vote for or where you graduated from.  It's your friends, your true friends who you lean on in your time of need and who will even scrape you up off the bathroom floor when necessary.  The ones that drive 2 hours in the middle of the night to bring you a pizza and sappy movies because you really needed it but didn't know how to ask.  It's a love that you know will have it's ups and downs, but no matter what will always be there.  It's knowing that even though you may fight, you may have days when you don't like them at all, you know there's no one else on this planet you'd rather fight with.  And no one else on this planet you'd rather wake up next to everyday for the rest of your life. 

Maybe it's not that I don't believe in fairy tales anymore but perhaps I've just re-defined them with the wisdom and experiences I've gained.